1. I noticed the writer
was very descriptive; I liked how she used a simile when talking about the
elevator door vs. the subway door and how they closed. I thought this was a
creative way to help the reader picture what they were reading. They also did a
good job of describing the items that didn’t make her happy like the Coach
shoes, Miss Me jeans, and Sidekick phone. She also did a good job of sticking
to the main point of the essay.
2. While reading the
essay I noticed some major improvements that could be made. Her spelling errors
were repetitive and her sentence structure needed some help as well. She could
also use some help rebuilding her paragraphs so the story would flow better.
This essay doesn’t meet many of the grading rubrics. For example her
organization, level of development and mechanics needed a lot of work.
3. After reading
this essay I would like to ask the writer how much time they took writing the
paper. I would also ask if they had anybody peer edit the paper. Last I would
ask where is this Harry Potter theme park in Chicago?
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